My Life in Argentina and Beyond

I feel tense and my left side—my arm and my neck—hurt. My mother, when we were children in Buenos Aires, must have felt the same way. She must have felt trapped in a beautiful neighborhood with a life she didn’t want. She never intended to be a housewife or a mother of 3 kids. Last night, when I couldn’t buy the things I had the money to buy, I shook just like she used to shake. She wanted to be free and do her own thing.

I don’t want to be poor and deny myself a simple pleasure like yogurt and/or oatmeal. I couldn’t vent with Lauchita. I held her tight and she comforted me in her kitty way. Her body was warm and understanding in my arms. My mother, when she was frustrated, let off steam in a way that hurt me.

Thursday, July 9, 2009: I lost my mother on July 10, 1994. it is incredible that almost 15 years have gone by--15 hard years. My mother was a good woman, a woman who never forgot her own mother, my grandmother Ana. She lived 54 years without her and I believe that they are together up there in Heaven. My mother is probably smiling, the way she smiled that afternoon in Burbank when we went to the ice cream parlor to have an ice cream sundae and the chocolate syrup ran down her chin. That is my favorite memory of her. She was happy that day. She was not in any kind of pain, not emotional or physical or anything. She just was herself,the self she wanted to be.

Saturday, April 26, 2008: I just reacquainted myself with the 1944 movie Double Indemnity. It has long been one of my favorite film noir movies of all time. The acting is superb, the writing, the black and white cinematography as well as the great music score. Double Indemnity also has memories for me. When my mother got sick on July 9, 1994, I stayed up all night watching it on AMC. This great movie kept me company and helped me be brave and strong.